24th July

Well it’s Sunday today, a day of rest supposedly. So when do I get a break from feeling tearful then? Not today it seems. Perhaps it’s something to do with the weekend as last week was also challenging, today less so I suppose; but at church this morning I found myself thinking very much of Jane again and the last time she was able to attend. It was an evening meeting with a guest speaker and by chance a long lost friend of Jane’s had found herself drawn in as she was passing by on her way home. She sat and held Jane’s hand pretty much all the way through. And that was so special. But very sad. It could be a very long time before I get to hold Jane’s hand again; that was my favourite thing… walking along the lane, sometimes briefly as we drove, drifting off to sleep each night, sitting through so many chemotherapy infusions and finally as she was dying - after I’d finished massaging her poor swollen feet. She was so brave. I don’t think I am.

I need a break from myself so I reckon the best thing is to get out again. I’m told the interestingly named ‘Vicar of Baghdad’ is speaking at Trent Vineyard tonight so I think I’ll wander over to Nottingham. He leads the only Anglican Church in Iraq - over two hundred of their congregation have been murdered simply for being Christian in the last few months - and he has quite a story to tell so maybe that will inspire me to look away from my own problems for a while. Should be interesting… these people are incredibly brave as well.

Hebrews 11:13 ‘All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it.’ (NLT)