Sunday, August 14, 2011

14th August

Right now I feel a bit rough which is annoying as I’ve had an encouraging day feeling good for most of it. I wanted to go to church tonight but being aware of the onset of Chronic Fatigue I had to rest at home. And that’s boring. But this morning I did make it and that’s where the encouragement started. It’s not unusual for me to cry during worship, but not today. I felt happy and I’m sure I began to smile which was at complete odds with a conversation I had before the meeting started. Although it doesn’t bother me, it’s not easy when someone asks after Jane’s wellbeing and I have to break the sad news. It happens, and today was fine, but some people just can’t cope at all and that gets embarrassing. I suppose some are terrified of death for any number of reasons and that’s sad because there is another way… in Christ, Jane remained totally at peace and even light-hearted right until the end. Whilst I know she fought to live I also know that she looked forward with total confidence to her future destiny with the Lord in heaven. There was never a hint of fear.

So, despite where I’m at, I felt really happy and later on went for my usual woodland ‘prayer’ walk. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has a whole raft of symptoms that affect me, but there is one that seems to undergird all the others, and whilst it fluctuates in intensity it’s always there. I’m talking about the ‘brain fog’ thing which is a bit like having a permanent dose of the flu… not being able to think or concentrate properly. Basically feeling grotty. It was over 3 years ago that Jane had her lung op to deal with a first secondary cancer growth. 6 months later new growths were then found in her other lung so we determined to seek the Lord with renewed determination. We prayed continuously and sought prayer from many different people as well as working through many medical interventions over the following years. And at that time God did supernaturally heal me of one condition as he did Jane but he did not heal her of cancer or me of CFS.

For about 5 years I suffered from a frozen shoulder after an accident falling down a ladder. Despite physiotherapy it remained painful and I found it impossible to lay on my left side for more than a minute due to severe discomfort… a sharp stabbing pain near my heart was quite disconcerting. One random night in a meeting I responded to a ‘word of knowledge’ about someone being injured falling down a ladder. I was instantly and completely healed and for the past 3 years have had no problem. Jane had a problem diagnosed as degeneration of the hips and likewise got minimal benefit from physiotherapy. She struggled at times to lift her legs over obstacles due to stiffness and pain. She was healed whilst simply travelling to ask for prayer and enjoyed freedom of movement sufficient to quite happily clamber over stiles or sea defences or whatever and I have photo evidence!

Also at that same time I had a lot of prayer for Chronic Fatigue but got no further than just momentary respite. Nonetheless a number of times I felt the ‘brain fog’ completely lift off me and the transformation in how I felt is really indescribable. I don’t pretend to fully understand the relationship between prayer and healing, but there is a difference between a work of healing, which is a process and a miracle of healing which is instantaneous. Both are of the Lord. All right then, my point… today whilst out walking, just for a brief moment, without asking or even thinking about it the ‘brain fog’ again lifted and I felt wonderfully joyful. Maybe I need to be praying about that again.

Exodus 15:26 ‘I am the LORD, who heals you.’ (NIV)

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