Sunday, June 12, 2011

12th June

The roller coaster ride of emotion continues, although the highs are not really that high. But then again I suppose the lows are not really that low. I went to our church meeting this morning and for a time felt great, I even remembered a time many years ago when I enjoyed dancing with joy before the Lord on one of those rare occasions when I wasn’t involved with leading worship. I resisted the temptation this time... I doubt if I could anyway. For no particular reason though I soon began to feel a little low and annoyingly have felt that way for the rest of the day. It’s just not easy to pick myself up on days like this. I’ve always enjoyed rainy days but today it’s just felt miserable and even my favourite sport of F1 at this moment has been red flagged for well over an hour due to rain. Boring! So many times over the years Jane has enjoyed a Sunday afternoon nap whilst I watched the grand prix and when her favourite driver Lewis Hamilton crashed out I had the thought that I would have to disappoint her with the news when she woke up. And then I remembered. I so much miss talking to Jane or even anyone about the trivia of the day. I have a great family, they’re wonderfully supportive and I’ve been out for lunch again today with my eldest so I’m not complaining but it’s like nothing feels right without Jane by my side. I feel really lonely.

I’m just so very grateful though that I know the Lord. His peace is really all that keeps me going and I have a very real sense that he is carrying me through this season of grief, fully in control of my destiny. Lord, thank you for your goodness, I trust you with my life my God. I will honour you and I will serve you and you alone.

1 Peter 5:7 ‘Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.’ (NLT)

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