Wednesday, June 22, 2011

22nd June

Today has been a good day as I’ve certainly turned a corner in sorting out Jane’s affairs. I counted up 14 different organizations that I’ve dealt with via phone, letter and e-mail all in one morning. I was dreading having to explain to so many people that Jane had died but it wasn’t as bad as I expected even if I had to hold back the tears in more than one phone call. Perseverance pays off and now it feels as if quite a weight has been lifted off me all in a few hours… good job!

My youngest daughter invited me out this afternoon. Knowing of my long term interest in Formula 1 she thought I might like to see the new Ayrton Senna documentary at the cinema which was so thoughtful and caring of her. And afterwards she confessed that she really enjoyed it, I know I did… though the funeral at the end following his early death left the pair of us quite tearful once again.

I keep coming back to the question of my future. How to move on? In a number of different ways I need to reinvent my life and I know that has to begin with my walk with God. I’ve lost my prayer partner, more than that Jane was my accountability partner. She kept an eye on me in lots of ways making sure I remained God centred in my whole life – and I did the same for her. It’s so very different now that I’m alone with no-one to jolly me along. And grief can be so all consuming that any disciplined approach to prayer, Bible reading and times of worship is just not going to happen, not for a while anyway. But even without structured prayer I can still reach out to God as often as I choose anytime and anywhere, indeed I know that he is right there with me every step of the way right through every day. He can never leave me… simply remembering that is the challenge.

Galatians 5:1 ‘It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.’ (NIV)

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