Tuesday, May 15, 2012

15th May 2012

This past week of sickness has been the most special of my life… I’ve spent most of it just resting, which in one sense is completely boring and totally unproductive. Except it wasn’t. I’ve enjoyed the presence of God in my home in the most wonderful way; he’s truly with me and without the distraction of my normal busyness I’m learning to reach out to him in a new way. My guitar has remained in it’s case since last Tuesday, when I played at my Church Home Group, and instead my iPod has really come into it’s own with internet radio Apps. I’ve been listening to a number of Christian stations which of course don’t always hit the mark… we all have different tastes. But, nonetheless, at times I’ve been absolutely staggered with the Spiritual presence often revealed in tracks that I’ve been familiar with for some years. And I’ve flagged up a few pieces of music to have a go at playing myself so that’s something to look forward to soon. I guess what I’m trying to say is that in the midst of my physical brokenness I met with God. He touched my heart with his wonderful love, I called out to him and he answered with a gift of peace.

And for the first time in almost a year I’ve begun to pray again. I mean really pray. For a long, long time I only had one very simple prayer whilst on my own… ‘Lord, please don’t take Jane from me’. Since she died, my solo prayer became rather shorter… ‘I love you Lord’ has been my tearful cry. Yes, what I’m talking about is the cry of the heart, not a prayer list of needs to work through in a structured way. Of course, at different times and in different ways I may pray for family, friends and whatever; that’s not an issue. A big part of my heart was filled with love for my wife and she was my number one concern so I prayed for her; today my heart is being healed as it is filled afresh with my love of God, so I worship him. That’s where my new life begins. I’m well aware that mentally I could condition my thinking to deal with bereavement and pick up on life again, that’s not a real issue. The real need though is for me to walk with the Lord and allow him to bind up my broken heart with a heavenly seal. The love I shared with Jane was a gift from God many years ago, but now that most beautiful of treasures must be locked away for the rest of my earthly life. Only in the safety of eternity can it be opened. In the mean time I’ve begun to pray for others again Short prayers, but heartfelt nonetheless.

Hey, I was wondering if maybe we all get to walk on water when we get to heaven… not just Jane!

1 John 4:8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.’ (NLT)


Fiona said...

I love the way God does that. No matter how you've been laid low, He always meets with us. It's like He's saying "I've got you where I want you now." I remember an old preacher say to me once that the floor was God's operating table.

David Paine said...

I remember quite unthinkingly playing Graham Kendrick's 'Beauty for Brokenness' many, many years ago... the song may be dated but I understand the title now.