21st May 2012

Maybe I should jump on a ferry and go live on the continent for a time. I’ve always enjoyed France and the Spanish are wonderfully friendly as well. Before I lost Jane I pretty much decided that would be my best option; a few months in the sun, out of season to avoid the crowds of course. And I’d sort myself out, on my own, far away from home. So far though, I’ve wanted to remain closer to my family and still hesitate to just disappear for much longer than a week or so. But, for me, there’s always been something quite exciting about spending time in a totally different country. Stepping outside of one’s normal surroundings is a good distraction from ongoing problems anyway. As yet it’s just not felt quite right, especially as I found driving a couple of hundred miles to get to Deal rather tiring. I can’t imagine how I’d feel trying to tackle a couple of thousand on my own, even in stages. Jane and I always shared long distance driving, so we’d quite happily take turns every couple of hours and drive all day.

I’m ready to do something different though. I could do with a little adventure, something I’ve not done before. I keep thinking that there’s a whole new life waiting to be lived, and a world waiting to be explored and seen from a totally different perspective. Of course everything has already changed, now I’m on my own without a partner to share anything with. But if I’m not careful all I see is emptiness and loss. I’m too focussed upon the past and all that I’ve lost, and not paying enough attention to that which lies ahead. I have much to gain if keep my eyes upon the Lord and allow him to direct my paths. There is no greater reward than hearing the Lord say ‘well done, good and faithful servant’. Over the years, on occasion I’ve been set to task on all manner of jobs which have caused a certain amount of heartache. Yes I’ve sometimes worked really hard for no apparent personal reward, not even a hint of thanks from those I’ve served. That’s fine really as we all get busy and distracted at times. But the Lord is not like that. I can remember a couple of times when I felt quite exhausted, beginning to feel a little down, when the Lord showed me something. I saw my heavenly Father smiling at me and simply saying ‘Thankyou David’. Yes, there’s no greater reward than knowing the pleasure of the living God. I need him to show me the way forward, I will walk with him. And everything will be alright.

2 Timothy 4:7-8 ‘I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me – the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return.’ (NLT)